Reclaim Rain – Interdimensional 100% Cotton Tee

Imported From Universe: M-17

Reclaim Rain

History: (Transcript from 2005 television advertisement) Do you wanna go fast? I mean fast FAST. Do you want to break the speed of sound on your bike? Do you want to cook minute rice is 39 seconds? Do you want to make lightning jealous!? Then drink Reclaim Rain! It’s the only soda PACKED with caffeine, sugar, caffeine, AND electrolytes! You’ll be able to outrun your parents, outrun your teachers, outrun local spaceport “authorities,” outrun a Ford Mustang, and outrun YOUR THUUURST!! So, what are you waiting for? Go reclaim the rain!  -Sound of Thunder followed by 22 seconds of silence-

Reflection: 🌌 In 2003, I was a dehydrated door-to-door solicitor in Texas. I hadn’t been prepared for it to be summer in December, so I was thirsty. At a corner store in Houston, I bought a can of Reclaim Rain. I then crossed an eight-lane highway with no memory of it, and easily jumped over a drainage ditch on the other side, the spectacle of which caused a vagrant to exclaim, “you just jumped over a six-foot ditch! In a suit!!” I gave the man my last $2 so I wouldn’t be tempted to go back for a second can of the stuff.